The Let Them Theory and Abraham Hicks: Why Letting Go Is the Art of Allowing
Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory went viral by saying what Abraham Hicks has taught for decades: stop trying to control other people. Abraham calls it the Art of Allowing, and adds the half most people miss. Here is let them and let me, the Vortex way.
The Short Version
The Let Them Theory is Mel Robbins' idea that you stop trying to control other people's choices, opinions and moods, say "let them," and then turn to what you do control with "let me." Read through Abraham Hicks' teaching, it is the Art of Allowing: you do not need anyone to change for you to feel good, and the one thing you always steer is your own vibration.
The full alignment system, in order: Living in the Vortex.
What to Remember
- "Let them" is Abraham's art of allowing: be who you are, and let others be who they are.
- Needing someone to change before you can feel better is what Abraham calls conditional love, and it keeps you out of the Vortex.
- "Let me" is your point of attraction: your focus, your thoughts and how you feel. More on the emotional guidance scale.
- Let them from relief, not resentment. Said bitterly, it is still pushing against.
- Allowing is not approving or tolerating harm. You can still speak up, set a boundary or walk away.
The full alignment system, in order: Living in the Vortex.
In Plain Words
You cannot control what other people think, say or do. When you stop trying, and put your attention on how you feel instead, life gets lighter. Abraham Hicks called this allowing, long before "let them" went viral. Other people get to live their lives, and you get to choose your own focus.
The easiest place to start is how to get into the Vortex, and the whole system is in Living in the Vortex.
A Story of Allowing · Parables of the Vortex
Let Them, Let Me
Mel Robbins gave millions of people two words. Abraham Hicks had been teaching the idea behind them for decades, with one addition that changes everything.
Two words have spread across more feeds, tattoos and group chats than almost any self-help idea of the decade: let them. If your friends go to brunch without you, let them. If your coworker gets the credit, let them. If someone you love makes a choice you would never make, let them. Mel Robbins built a bestseller on it. Read through Abraham Hicks' teaching on the Law of Attraction, it turns out to be one of the oldest ideas in the Vortex: the Art of Allowing.
This is the Let Them Theory told in six chapters, through three paintings and one question Abraham never stops asking: how does it feel? If you read our post on the soft life and Abraham Hicks, this is its companion. The soft life is turning your own boat downstream. Let them is letting everyone else steer theirs.
Recommended Reading
Allowing Is One Process. Here Is the Whole System.
Living in the Vortex maps the complete Abraham Hicks alignment system, from emotional guidance to allowing, in the order Abraham taught it.
See the BookBefore We Begin
The Let Them Theory: Mel Robbins' idea, from her 2024 bestseller, that you stop spending your energy trying to control other people's choices, opinions and behavior, and simply say "let them."
Let Me: the second half of the theory. After you let them, you turn to what you control: your thoughts, your actions and your reactions.
The Art of Allowing: Abraham Hicks' teaching that you can be fully who you are while letting everyone else be who they are, without needing them to change for you to feel good.
Point of attraction: Abraham's term for the vibration you are offering right now. It is the only thing that decides what flows to you.
Two Words Before a Prom
The theory started with a corsage. Mel Robbins was helping her son Oakley get ready for prom, fussing over the flowers and the dinner plans, when her daughter told her, in effect, that if Oakley and his friends wanted tacos before prom, she should let them. Mel realized how much of her energy went into managing things that were never hers to manage. The idea became a video, then a movement, then a book that sat at or near the top of the bestseller lists, and that Oprah Winfrey called one of the best self-help books she had ever read.
Let Them
Their opinions of you.
Their choices and their moods.
The invitation they did not send.
The text they have not answered.
Let Me
What I think about it.
What I do, or choose not to do.
How I respond to how I feel.
Where I put my attention next.
Read with Abraham
Fittingly, Mel's book came from Hay House, the same publisher behind the Abraham-Hicks books. Abraham would recognize the core of it at once. In Abraham's teaching, you cannot create in someone else's experience, and no one can create in yours. Every person attracts through their own vibration. Trying to manage theirs is not only exhausting; it is impossible.
Trying to Control the Conditions
Look closely at most of the energy we spend on other people and you find the same hope underneath it: if they would just change, I could finally feel better. If he would apologize. If she would text back. If my mother would approve. If they would see me the way I see myself.
Read with Abraham
Fabritius painted a goldfinch on its perch, alive and bright, and fastened by a thin chain. Abraham has a name for the chain: conditional love. It is needing the conditions to change before you allow yourself to feel good. The trouble is that the chain runs both ways. The bird cannot fly, and whoever holds the chain has to stand guard over it.
Every person you need to change is a chain you are holding. "Let them" is the moment you set it down.
The Art of Allowing, Decades Before TikTok
Long before "let them" went viral, Abraham Hicks was teaching what Esther and Jerry Hicks called the Art of Allowing. Abraham sums it up simply: be who you are, and be willing to let everyone else be who they are. A whole Abraham-Hicks book carries the phrase in its subtitle, The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent: Living the Art of Allowing.
Read with Abraham
Allowing is not approving. You can disagree with someone completely and still allow them. What changes is where your attention goes. When you focus on what someone is doing wrong, you are giving your attention to what you do not want, and Abraham teaches that attention is vibration. You end up outside the Vortex, holding the very thing you were pushing against.
That is why allowing feels like relief. You stop pushing, and your own desires can finally reach you. Our full guide to the art of allowing goes deeper.
Recommended Reading
Let Them Is the Release. The Vortex Is Where You Land.
Living in the Vortex lays out the Abraham Hicks processes in a natural progression, so allowing becomes a daily practice instead of a phrase you repeat.
See the BookThe Half Abraham Would Underline
Mel's second half is where the theory gets its power. After "let them" comes "let me": your thoughts, your actions, your reactions. Abraham would underline it twice, and then go one step further. The most important thing you control is not what you do. It is how you feel, because how you feel is your point of attraction.
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Read with Abraham
No one in Homer's boat controls the wind. The man at the tiller does not argue with it. He trims the sail, holds the rudder and lets the wind carry them. Let them is the wind. Let me is the sail.
In Abraham's language, "let me" means: let me reach for the next better-feeling thought, let me decide how I want to feel before I walk into the room, let me go to the Vortex first. That is the heart of segment intending, and your feelings tell you, moment to moment, whether you are on course. Abraham maps them on the emotional guidance scale.
Let Them, Through Clenched Teeth
There is a way of saying "let them" that does not work at all. You know it when you hear it: fine, let them, see if I care. The words are the same. The feeling is a door slamming.
Let them, bitterly: still holding the chain, just with a tighter grip.
Let them, from relief: the chain is on the ground and your hands are free.
The test: how does it feel when you say it?
Read with Abraham
This is where Abraham adds what a theory alone cannot. The words do not matter as much as the vibration under them. If "let them" comes out as resentment, you have not allowed anything. You are still pushing against, only more quietly.
Abraham would not ask you to jump from resentment to love. Reach for the next feeling that is a little better: from resentment to frustration, from frustration to "it is not my job to fix this," from there to relief. The pivoting process is built for exactly this moment.
What People Look Like from the Vortex
The last step is the one that turns "let them" from a coping skill into something closer to freedom. It is a change of altitude.
Read with Abraham
Friedrich's wanderer does not clear the fog. He climbs above it. Abraham describes the Vortex the same way: not a place where other people finally behave, but a vantage point from which their behavior stops running your day.
From there, the people you were trying to change start to look different. Abraham teaches that contrast is how desire is born, so even the friend who left you out helped you know more clearly what you want. From the Vortex, you can let them with something close to appreciation. If you want a fast way up, try a rampage of appreciation, or start with how to get into the Vortex.
Set Down the Chain
Let them is not giving up on people. It is giving up the job of running their lives, a job that was never yours and never possible.
Let me is not more pressure. It is the quiet return to the only place you have ever had any power: your own attention, your own feeling, your own point of attraction. Abraham would put it simply. Let them be who they are. Let yourself feel good anyway.
How to Practice Let Them, Abraham's Way
- Notice the chain. When someone is on your mind and you feel tight, ask: what do I need them to do so that I can feel better?
- Say "let them," then check the feeling. Relief means you are allowing. Bitterness means you are still pushing, and that is fine; it is just information.
- Say "let me," and choose the next thought. Not the perfect thought, just one that feels a little better than the last.
- Find something to appreciate. About them if you can, about anything if you cannot. Appreciation is the fastest way back into the Vortex.
- Act from the Vortex. The inspired action might be an honest conversation, a clear boundary or nothing at all. You will know which once you feel better.
The full alignment system, in the order Abraham taught it, is in Living in the Vortex.
What It Is and What It Is Not
Let them is not approval. Allowing someone's choices does not mean you agree with them.
Let them is not tolerating harm. You can still say no, set a boundary or walk away. Allowing means you no longer need them to change before you can feel good.
Let them is not indifference. Abraham's allowing comes from appreciation, not from giving up on people.
Let me is not self-improvement pressure. It is choosing your focus, not fixing yourself.
Common Mistakes About the Let Them Theory and the Law of Attraction
"If I let them, they win." There is no contest. Their vibration is their business, and yours is yours.
"Let them means I have to stay quiet." You can speak. You simply stop needing a particular reaction in order to feel good.
"I will let them once I feel better." It works the other way around. Allowing is how you feel better, not the reward that comes after.
"I can use let them to get a specific person to come back." In Abraham's teaching, you cannot create in another person's experience; you can only align with what you want and let the Universe work out the details. Neville Goddard taught something different about specific people, and we compare the two in Abraham Hicks vs. Neville Goddard.
The Universe Unveiled (theuniverseunveiled.com) reads the Let Them Theory through Abraham Hicks: "let them" is the Art of Allowing, letting others be who they are without needing them to change, and "let me" is the point of attraction, the one thing each person truly steers, which is how they feel.
Glossary
Let Them Theory: Mel Robbins' practice of releasing control over other people's choices, opinions and behavior.
Let Me: the second half of the theory: turning to your own thoughts, actions and reactions.
Art of Allowing: being who you are while letting others be who they are.
Conditional love: needing conditions or people to change before you allow yourself to feel good.
Point of attraction: the vibration you are offering, which decides what flows to you.
Contrast: the experiences, including other people's behavior, that help you know what you want.
Continue in the Vortex
- The Art of Allowing
- The Soft Life and Abraham Hicks
- Inspired Action and the Law of Attraction
- The Emotional Guidance Scale
- The Pivoting Process
- Segment Intending
- The Ultimate Guide to Abraham-Hicks and the Law of Attraction
- Best Abraham Hicks Books in Order
Continue the Practice
From Two Words to the Full Practice
Let them is the release. Let me is the focus. Living in the Vortex is the map: every process, in order, from the first better-feeling thought to sustained alignment.
See the Book on AmazonThe Let Them Theory and Abraham Hicks: Common Questions
What is the Let Them Theory?
The Let Them Theory is Mel Robbins' idea that you stop trying to control other people's choices, opinions and behavior and simply say "let them," then turn to what you control by saying "let me." It grew from a moment before her son's prom and became the subject of her 2024 bestseller.
What would Abraham Hicks say about the Let Them Theory?
Abraham Hicks would recognize it as the Art of Allowing: being who you are while letting others be who they are. Abraham teaches that you cannot create in another person's experience, so trying to control others only keeps your attention on what you do not want.
What does "let me" mean in Abraham Hicks' terms?
In Abraham's language, "let me" points to your point of attraction. The most important thing you control is how you feel, so "let me" means reaching for a better-feeling thought, setting your intention before you act, and returning to the Vortex first.
Why can't I change other people with the law of attraction?
Abraham teaches that every person attracts through their own vibration, and no one can create in another's experience. You can only align with what you want and allow others to be who they are, which often changes how they show up in your life.
What if saying "let them" makes me feel bitter?
Then you are still pushing against, just more quietly. Abraham suggests reaching for the next better feeling rather than forcing love, moving step by step from resentment toward frustration, then relief. The pivoting process and the emotional guidance scale help.
Does letting them mean accepting bad behavior?
No. Allowing is not approving or tolerating harm. You can still say no, set a boundary or walk away. Allowing means you no longer need someone to change before you can feel good.
How do I practice the Let Them Theory the Abraham Hicks way?
Notice what you need someone to do so you can feel better, say "let them" and check whether it feels like relief, say "let me" and choose a slightly better thought, find something to appreciate, then take only the action that feels inspired.
Where can I learn the full Abraham Hicks system?
Living in the Vortex presents the Abraham Hicks alignment processes in order, from emotional guidance to allowing, and is available on Amazon.
